I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize