last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
