Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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