i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
