Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
