I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
