they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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