my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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