Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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