what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize