Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
