Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
