It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
