ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
