It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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