This is not my ceiling
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize