Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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