I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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