I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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