Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize