mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's official drugs can't kill me
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
