i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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