Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
