i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
