mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
