idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
