do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
