things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
