Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
