He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
