he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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