sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
