It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
