I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
