Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
