remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I met the friendliest cop last night
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
