just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
