Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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