who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize