Got a toothbrush?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You were trust falling into bushes
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
