My sheets look like a crime scene.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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