you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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