If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize