one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
