i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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