Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
