I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
