do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
