My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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