I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
