dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
