hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Non-Jews are for practice
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
