Quick, to the slutcave!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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