How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
