I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize