he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
