look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
