It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
