i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
