Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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