Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
