I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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