I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
