If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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