ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
