Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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