The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize