Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
