omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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