i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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