My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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