It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
