Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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