I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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