If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
